I will get myself pulled together, I will be organised, I will do the things, I made the list of things to do…..
Of course, I say these things all the time. Actually doing the things is a different thing entirely.
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Recently, I have been trying to do more things. Well, technically I am trying to do the things I should do a lot quicker to make my life easier. Instead of mindlessly scrolling on TikTok at night, I’ll do some light housework or pull out a book. I have become obsessed with the idea of being organised, being a better version of myself. Putting that idea into practice is where I am falling flat on my face. No, scratch that. It’s more like falling flat on my face while I’m juggling wine glasses that need to stay half full, everything is on fire, and everyone is screaming my name to tear my attention away to watch fleas dance the tango. Like I said, the idea sounds great but my execution of the idea sucks.
I don’t know why I have decided to take on this challenge (if you want to call it that). Maybe my never-ending to-do list is annoying me to the point that I want to see an end to some of the tasks. Maybe I want to look like I have my life pulled together better than it actually is by ensuring my home looks lovely instead of “there appears to have been a struggle” style of decoration. Or maybe I’m just getting older and the idea of living in chaos has run its course. It’s safe to say that the lives I see on TikTok, especially CleanTok, have me questioning what I am doing with my day. It’s not like I lay around the house all day in silk pj’s and drinking tea. I work, I study, I run around after four kids. My day is exhausting. But this is why I want to be more organised.
I have written a lot about being organised over the years. I’ve tried a heap of different ideas and hacks. I’ve made lists, have diaries, white boards, and created schedules. Sometimes they stick, sometimes they don’t. My time is almost like a tight money budget, I can cram plenty in there but if one extra thing appears, the whole lot is going to Hell. And one thing is sure, it’s bloody exhausting holding it all together.
Last week, I was determined to get my social media sorted and get posts scheduled for the next week or two. What happened? I discovered the kids had two birthday parties to go to on the SAME DAY and everything fell out of place. When I was supposed to be adding cute memes and thinking of witty prose, I was running through Tesco with toys and chocolate under my arms searching for birthday gift bags that they had moved. I lost four hours out of my day with those parties. Don’t get me wrong, the kids had a blast but it was tough on me. Mainly because I was the one doing the manic shopping trip and ferrying the kids between the parties, but I also had to deal with my son who nearly broke his knee cap after he jumped on the bouncy castle after it was unplugged. I was a mess by the end of the day.
Getting organised is not for the faint-hearted. It is tough. There is a lot of discipline required. And probably needs enough caffeine to give a hippo heart palpitations. Maybe, just maybe, one day I will get there. Perhaps I will eventually tick things off my list that I will never have to deal with again. It is possible that I will get better at managing my time. It might be feasible for me to become time rich to enjoy my hobbies again. One day, I will get myself pulled together. It’s just not happening today, or even this month.