Having a child is one of the greatest pleasures in life. But, raising that child is also one of the hardest challenges that we will face. There’s an old saying that it takes a village to raise a baby, and this is undoubtedly true, which is why you should learn about the importance of the grandparent relationship.
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One of the hardest things to face is the ever-changing nature of parenthood. As soon as you are used to life with a newborn, and you’ve got the hang of feeding and changing and learned to live without sleep, they stop being a newborn and become a fully fledged baby. For a parent, that means getting to know them all over again and adapting your skills to include weaning, speech and preparing for the first steps. Then, in no time, you’ve got a toddler, quickly followed by a little boy or girl. One day, it seems like you blinked and your child became a teenager, and you’re dealing with mood swings, puberty and everything that comes with it.
It never gets any easier, it just changes, and there is always something to learn. But, through it all, your relationship with your child grows and develops. There’s nothing in the world like it except for the relationship with your own parents.
Your parents, your child’s grandparents are an essential part of that child-rearing village. If there is anything that understands what you are going through, it’s your own mother.
The Importance of the Grandparent Relationship
A grandparents relationship with their grandchildren is crucial for you all. They’ll be a fantastic source of help, support and information for you as a parent, not to mention a handy babysitter. They will be the person that spoils your children and offers them a shoulder to cry on when they’ve been in trouble. They’ll help to teach your children love and compassion, as well as sympathy and strength. They’ll teach them a lot, and help them learn how to express themselves. Now that more women than ever are working while their children are little, it’s more important that our children have these role models and sources of care. It’s also a crucial relationship for the elder of the trio.
Having children around can help to keep an older relative young. Being around kids can stimulate their minds, give them something to think about and someone to love. It can improve their physical and mental health, reduce the risks of loneliness and depression, help to get them out of the house and keep them in touch with the modern world. It’s a fantastic relationship for everyone involved, and it should be encouraged.
The Difficulties it May Face
But, it’s not always that simple. The gap between a child and their grandparents can be substantial, in years, in the understanding of the world, in interests and personalities. When your kids are little, these things don’t matter, but as they get older and start to develop their own personalities, the gap can feel massive. Grandparents, especially those living alone can lose touch with the modern world and find that they’ve got little to say to younger people, and your children can start to worry about visiting their elderly relatives with complaints of boredom. There can be a lack of understanding that makes the relationship more difficult than it needs to be.
We can see how significant a role a grandparent can play in raising a baby and supporting your family, as well as the difficulties in maintaining that relationship as your children grow and age. So now, let’s look at some ways to encourage this all-important relationship and some ideas on how you can help it to thrive.
Regular Visits
The first thing that you can do to encourage this vital relationship is to ensure that there is plenty of contact. Visit your parents either at home or in their retirement living, and take your kids to see them as often as you can. Not just quick visits to say hello either, extended time together. Have meals together, stay for a few hours or even overnight. Invite them to your house too, so that you can really share your lives.
The more time you all spend together, the closer that you will be. You will all understand each other, you’ll know how to communicate, and you’ll enjoy time together. But, this can only happen naturally, and it takes time. If you haven’t spent much time as a family across generations before now, start as soon as you can, and gradually increase visits so that you can all spend more time together.
Use Technology to Your Advantage
Of course, in the modern world, these regular visits aren’t always possible. Years ago many of us spent our lives living on the street we were born. Our parents, grandparents and more extended family lived in a similar area. We were a stone’s throw away, and it was easy to spend plenty of time together.
Now, we move away. We move for school and never go home. We find work in different cities or even countries, and there is often miles and sometimes even oceans between families. This can make it impossible to visit as often as you might like.
But, technology means that this doesn’t have to be a problem. While face to face visits are still important, and you should try to go and stay with your family whenever you can and for as long as you can, you can use technology to keep in touch in the meantime. Get your older relatives set up with a smartphone or tablet and make sure they know how to use FaceTime or Skype. Encourage older children to write longer emails with news of their life, and even to ask their grandparents questions that could help them with their homework.
Days Out As a Family
When it comes to relationships between grandparents and grandchildren, you as the parent are the middle ground that bridges the gap. You are closer to both. You remember being a child, you might have a vague understanding of your children’s interests, but now that you are a parent yourself you probably have a greater understanding and respect of your own parents.
Spending time all together, out of the house, doing fun things that you can all enjoy can be great fun. Your presence can help the two generations understand each other. It’s also an excellent chance for your parents to visit places that might not have existed when you were little. Take them to see your children’s favourite places. Days out at farms, museums, and other family-friendly locations can be a great way to boost family relationships.
Time Alone
However, it’s also essential that your children spend time with your parents without your presence. So that they are free to get to know each other and develop a relationship that doesn’t rely on you. A grandparent should be free to spoil their grandchildren and treat them, which they might not feel able to do when you are around.
If you are always around, your parents might feel that you are checking up on them, or like you don’t trust them to be alone with your child. This can mean that their relationship stalls and isn’t free to grow. Give them alone time when you can and as long as they are able.
Involve Grandparents in Events and Special Occasions
The worst thing that you can do when it comes to promoting a positive relationship between a grandparent and their grandchildren is failing to include them in special occasions.
Grandparents, especially those past retirement age, can find that they get very lonely. When this happens, they live for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas, as these are the only times of the year where they get much company. Even if you spend a lot of time together, these special occasions, especially the ones that involve your children, are important and something that they will look forward to. So, don’t just invite them along. Ask for their help and advice with the plans and preparations.
Find Shared Interests
As your children start to get older, it can become more difficult for them to find things in common with their grandparents. When they are little, they’ll happily spend their time crafting and baking. But when they start getting older, it can seem as though they’ve got no shared interests.
So you all need to make an effort to find some. A hobby swap can be useful here. One visit, get your children to show their grandparents something that they enjoy. Maybe their favorite video game, film or app on their phone. Then, next visit, the elder relative can show the younger something that they like to do or somewhere that they like to go.
There’s Lots to Learn
It’s important that you all keep an open mind and remember that there is plenty that you can learn from each other. Yes, your elders should be treated with respect, but that doesn’t mean that they are the only ones with something to teach. You can all learn from each other if you are willing.
