Being a childless woman can be tough. We live in a society of phobias. Fear of missing out has spread across social media addicts, almost forcing people to check their preferred platforms until their eyes bleed out of fear of missing out on the cyber banter.
Because we live in a world where money is needed to survive, Latte Lindsay runs a number of affiliate programmes and offers paid/sponsored content. If you choose to click the links and read the posts, the site may earn a commission or receives a payment. All of the opinions are my own. Opinions expressed here are author’s alone, not those of any partner brands/company(s), beauty & lifestyle brands, airlines or hotel chain, and have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by any of these entities unless specified.
The fear of germs has increased dramatically as a result of the combined resurgence of illnesses and a lack of information on medical know-how. Unfortunately, for sensitive souls, a quick search on Google is enough to convince you of the health dangers in your day-to-day life. Social clihés of beauty have driven the fear of eating and putting on weight to deadly levels of young girls and women alike, making the idea of being a childless woman a terrible thing.
All of these fears are real and crippling. But more and more modern phobias are the result of a severely dysfunctional society. To put it in plain text, we are creating a culture that affects our mental health dramatically. Indeed, fears isolate you from your community. They transform your sense of self-worth and self-confidence. They drive you to depression, loneliness and self-aversion. Modern fears poison our mental health every day. But none can be as devastating as the emotional roller-coaster that a childless woman can face.
Am I a lesser being?
You only need to turn on the TV or do a quick search online to come across empowering statements for mothers all around the world. Contemporary mothers remain active, balance their career and their children at the same time, and aspire to achieve more every day. You might even come across slogan t-shirts claiming that one’s superpower is to be a mother. Unfortunately, there’s no positive and motivational message for the women who, for whatever reason or another, don’t have children. Many of these would have been told that they can’t understand what life is about as long as they don’t have a child. Some even feel judged for their childlessness. Ultimately, there is a form of emotional discrimination between parents and non-parents that is commonly accepted within our society. A woman without a child is led to believe (or told directly to her face) that she matters less as a human than a mother. Emotionally, this attitude can lead to depression, self-doubt and isolated feelings.
If you wait too long, it’ll be too late
What is the ideal age to conceive? It is socially accepted that a woman should have children in her 20s and early 30s. Consequently, women who prefer to focus on their career during this period of their lives are likely to be told that they’re going to miss their window for having children. People are complicated beings who are trying to fulfil multiple desires throughout their lives. The idea that leading a successful career and becoming a mother are two conflicting interests is preposterous. As a woman, you can easily have both, should you want to. More importantly, you don’t need to give up your career in your 30s for fear of never becoming a mother. Ultimately, the guilt trip is unnecessary and counterproductive. More and more women choose to have their first child in their 40s and some even in their 50s once they are financially stable.
I failed
The fact that you don’t have children doesn’t mean that you don’t want any, or even that you aren’t trying to have your own. However, even though society is very open about pregnancy, the stories about miscarriages tend to be shushed into oblivion. In truth, miscarriage is a lot more common than you would think. While it can happen for a variety of reasons, expected mothers who are forced to have an abortion because the foetus isn’t viable feel extremely guilty and ashamed about the situation. The lack of communication about it encourages isolation, which provides the perfect terrain for depression. Women whose pregnancy had to be terminated often experience post-traumatic stress. They fear of ‘failing’ again can affect not only their chances of becoming pregnant again but also their relationship altogether.
I will never have a real family
One of the first questions that you get when you are in a long-term relationship is when you are planning to have your first child. Indeed, society doesn’t comprehend yet why people would get together if they are not planning on having children. Ultimately, the conception of a family is two parents and at least a child. If you lack self-confidence, the perpetual comments about starting a family could make you believe that what you and your partner have is not real. The truth is that not all couples feel the need to have children. The value of your family unit is not measured in the number of babies you choose to have. It’s vital for childless couples to remember that they don’t need to start a family to become one.
Am I missing out?
Your life is not complete until you become a mother. According to society, women can’t experience the full width and meaning of life if they don’t have a child. So if they choose to be a childless woman, they’re missing out on motherhood wisdom, experiences and events. As a result, many women start their journey into adulthood with a list of to-do that might not suit their personality:
✅ Find a job
✅ Get married
✅ Have children
Apparently, it’s only when you can tick every item off the list that you can safely say you’ve lived. Therefore, it’s not uncommon for women to develop anxiety disorders and stress reactions as they worry they might not be able to complete all their social tasks. Unlike video games, there is no bonus you can unlock at the end of your life if you’ve completed all social expectations. Your experience of life will be different whether you have children or not.
Is my pet a replacement?
Most people adopt a dog because they love dogs. Or cats, hamsters, rabbits, etc. The idea that young couples have a pet instead of a child is ridiculous. Your pet is no replacement. For a childless mother, the statement is insulting. By comparing your pet to a child, it makes fun of your affection. At an age where pets provide emotional support in a hectic society, you can’t afford to let others ridicule your relationship with your pup or let them refer to it as “practice” for a child.
Discrimination, fear of failure, low self-confidence, childless women face negative emotions along their journeys. It’s a work of every day to stay focus on your mental health and keep criticism at bay. Society has, unfortunately, still a long way to go to free people of their emotional demons and stop demonising the childless woman.