We didn’t invent sex, we just perfected it || Five facts about the history of sex

We didn't invent sex, we just perfected it || Five facts about the history of sex

You have probably heard the saying “you would think you kids invented sex” being shouted by an old person. And while I’m not sure what they mean by it, I’m pretty sure that sex has been around longer than human speech. So, with this in mind, I have some fun facts about sex that come from the history books.

“Lettuce” not go there

Some people believe that certain foods are good for you, some people think that certain foods turn people on. And some people think that certain things will cause impotence and ruin your naughty dating life. Back in Ancient Rome, the food that was to be avoided was lettuce. Yep, those Romans believed that lettuce was the cause for impotence and they avoided it like the plague.

Puritans were naughty

Believe it or not, the Puritans were a bunch of filthy horndogs who liked to do it all the time. Bristol is known for its strong Puritan connections to the past but I bet you didn’t imagine the words “Puritan Bristol sex” being in the same sentence, did you? Puritans were wild and actively encouraged to do it as much as possible. It is believed that most Puritan brides were pregnant on their wedding day. One of their favourite pastimes was doing it in public.

Lipstick was code for more than just kissing

Back in the time of the ancient Egyptians, lipstick was not just about fashion. It is believed by historians that the Ancient Egyptians are responsible for inventing lipstick as a way of showing their love for oral sex. Oral sex was a big thing to them and they liked to show off. These days you have to list that preference on any adult dating sites. Even one of their central myths about Orisis being brought back to life is to do with oral sex. For those of you who don’t know, when Orisis was put back together, his wife couldn’t find his crotch so she made one out of clay and gave the first documented blowjob in order to bring him back to life. Honestly, that’s what happened.

Victorian women were insane

Did you know that I have written a history book? I’ll let you know when you can buy it (it’s out in January, just FYI) and it is about World War 1 in my town. But before the Great War, there was the Victorian era. If you want to see what the Victorian era was about, there are plenty of places in Lincolnshire that serve Victorian high tea. But I dare you to go and have high tea and not think “Victorian Lincolnshire sex“. Basically, it was thought that women suffered from mental health issues and needed an orgasm to calm down. So doctors used electric vibrators to help calm them but this might be a load of rubbish. What is true, is that the Victorians invented the first vibrators.

Emotional cheating started long ago

I’ve posted before about dating in the Middle Ages and some of the weird things that went on back then. If you can’t be annoyed reading the post (and why wouldn’t you? It is very interesting, including how sex toys came about) all I will say is this- nobody was supposed to be having sex. Seriously, even married couples could get into trouble for doing it wrong. Could you imgine if those people heard about the no strings dating that we have now? Their heads would explode! But, if you were stuck in a loveless marriage, you could probably get away with “courtly loving”. This could be a noblewoman who is stuck in an arranged marriage and has a knight or another noble person sending her love letters and sonnets, but nobody was having sex.

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