Let’s begin this article by asking a simple question that can be quite difficult to answer – if you were to speak to a friend the same way in which you speak to yourself, would they be your friend for long?
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For some people, the answer is yes. For some people, absolutely no. That’s because it’s very easy to become your harshest and meanest critic, rarely giving yourself a break or letting yourself off the hook from time to time.
You don’t even need to be particularly toxic or harsh towards yourself to set up negative thought patterns and self-talk. That’s why it’s good to consider exactly how you talk to yourself from time to time, and why it’s important to alter it in your favor.
That doesn’t mean you have to delude yourself or tell yourself things are great when you need help, but it does mean being mindful of how you treat yourself. Treating yourself like a friend you’re responsible for helping and loving is always a healthy goal to take hold of.
So, let’s consider how and why to manage and mind your self-talk:
Consider Your Reactive Outbursts
It’s important to consider how you might react to issues going wrong. For example, if you make a mistake (such as forgetting to leave the house with your phone), how do you respond to that? Your immediate reaction can be very telling.
Sure, you’re an adult, and so it’s unlikely you’ll throw a temper tantrum. That said, you might demean yourself, call yourself a name or even curse at your stupidity. But all you’ve done is make a minor mistake. Do you really deserve that kind of dismissal? Watch how you react in this way, and see if you can alter that conversation. Sometimes, treating yourself with the respect you deserve can be a much healthier step forward.
How Do You Address Your Flaws?
Absolutely everyone have flaws. To not have them is to not be a real person. In fact, if you think you have no flaws, that’s probably a flaw in itself. But how do you address them? For example, do you insult yourself, or think that there’s no hope for change because this is how you are anyway? Or once you’ve noticed it, could this be the first step to change? It might be that your teeth are a little crooked, but that doesn’t affect your natural charm or appearance, and with invisible aligners, you can work on that anyway. Keep that sense of optimism and self-regard, it does make a difference and can help you avoid feeling trapped in negative self-talk.
Accepting & Rolling With Failure
In life, there are some issues that we simply cannot fix, and certain characteristics that we just have to accept. For example – from time to time you will fail. You might not get that new job that you were gunning for, or you may fall out with a sibling. Can you repair the issue? If so, try to do it. If not, learn a lesson and roll with it. This can help you moderate your emotions and retain your stability. Over time, such an approach gives you the chance to relax in yourself, and not over catastrophize.
With this advice, you’re sure to mind your self talk for the better.