When it comes to Christmas, we all have things that we don’t want to do. But for this person, their job is getting in the way. So, they have asked Reddit WIBTAH (would I be the asshole) if they skipped Christmas with their husbands family. Before you go judging, read the post and see if they are right for having to skip Christmas with the in-laws.
I am a first responder and have been for the last 3 years. My schedule is a rotating shift pattern (days/nights). The pattern is consistent and I can tell you what days I’m working very far in advance. Because of this, I told my entire family last year that I would be working on Christmas this year and reminded them when we saw them. This is the first time I have had to work on Christmas.
My side of the family understands and we are celebrating with just my parents and siblings another day.
My husband’s family is really into Christmas. Like everyone needs to be at SIL’s house at 8am to open presents together and then we spend the entire day together. So when I asked if we could celebrate together another day over the holidays instead it got shut down with statements like “Christmas is on December 25th.” or “I don’t understand, can’t you just ask for the day off?” So I let them know my husband would be attending solo this year.
This morning while I was at work, my husband (who works a 9-5 and is enjoying his day off) texts me “it would be nice if you could come by for a couple hours tomorrow after work..” I declined because:
- SIL lives ~90mins away, so that’s 3 hours of driving. I would be driving home alone at night with not the best weather.
- My job can be very stressful and my social battery is drained by the time I get home.
- We already agreed that it made more sense for me to stay home and to have him go to his parents house on Christmas Eve so they could drive over in the morning together..
Well my husband is pissed and thinks that I don’t want to spend time with his family. He’s been sending me passive aggressive texts all day trying to guilt trip me… “we don’t know how much time we have left with my parents…” It’s working because I feel like I’m letting everyone down and I don’t want his family to think I don’t want to spend Christmas with them.
WIBTAH if I stuck to our original plan instead of making an effort to go see his family tomorrow after work?
ETA
I am locked out of commenting till Jan 2nd so I’ll just reply here
Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond, I was really upset last night and it’s nice to get an outsiders perspective. One of the comments said “it’s not the date it’s the day” and I’ll be using that from now on. A couple of you guessed right, yes, part of my job is answering 911 calls. My husband mostly understanding of how our shifts work but I usually get pushback on long weekend or celebrations. I have been trying to convince him to come in for an observation shift so he can finally understand, but he’s doesn’t feel comfortable listening in on the calls.
I haven’t confirmed but I think what may have caused him to even request my appearance is that his father, who is in the early stages of dementia, may have asked what time we were both coming over, forgetting I was not coming over.
This shift schedule is still new to him, and he hates showing up to events without me and having to explain to everyone I’m not there because working. This is definitely something we are going to have to work out before we try and have kids.
Thanks again everyone and Merry Christmas! Especially to all my fellow first responders, health care workers, shift workers and anyone who has had to work a 24/7/365 job!
Well….. let’s just say, as someone who used to work in healthcare, Christmas does not mean that you will get the day off. It doesn’t matter if you have kids or not, the simple fact is, that is the job you have signed up for. OP knows this and has tried to manage everyone’s expectations around Christmas. The sad truth is, it doesn’t matter what day of the year it is, everyone still needs care. On the plus side, the comments were quick to jump to OPs defense.
A lot of the comments pointed out that OPs job was 365/24/7 which means all year round, all day and night, every day and night. It is not a M-F 9-5 job. And, even if it was a bit more regular with the hours and shift pattern, asking someone to drive that far when it is supposed to be the season for giving is giving the ick.
So, would you bend over backwards to see your in-laws after a hard shift when you told months in advance that you couldn’t go to Christmas? Or would you take yourself home and chill out after your working day?
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