I’m one of those people who seem to get into trouble without trying. This tends to happen because I don’t think things through. Sometimes it can get me into a spot of mischief and looking like a complete idiot. Other times it makes me looking like a complete badass and living legend. After running 10k the other day, I’m not sure what my current status is.
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It all started when my blogging buddy Helen popped a status up on Facebook about her coming to Belfast from England to run 10k. Seizing the opportunity to see her in the flesh, I stupidly said I would join her. Helen got me signed up and I said I would meet her outside the venue at 9ish.
Now, I need you remember something before you read on. I haven’t ran in months. January (I think) was when I took part in the virtual 5k. I haven’t done any exercise in ages. Also, I pushed a small human out of my lady parts 4 weeks ago. The day of the run, my son was exactly 3 weeks and 5 days old. See what I mean about not thinking things through?
The morning of the run came and I slept in. Sorry, correction. I was awake but then the baby needed fed, so I fed him but fell asleep because I’m shit at early morning parenting and breastfeeding makes me sleepy. I was forced to pull myself together and ended up with mismatched socks. I did remember to put a bra on and fixed my eyeliner so it wasn’t a complete shambles. But I should have known that the socks were a sign of things to come. Why did I think it would be a good idea to run 10k after no exercise in months and just having a baby? Anyhow, shortly after 9am on this windy Sunday morning, I found myself at Decathalon in Holywood. Helen, Corey and Ellen were waiting for me inside the store. We took a few photos (which you can see over on Twitter and Instagram, or this Twitter or this Twitter, and this Instagram, or this Instagram).
Start of the race and 1k
Myself and Helen moved to the back so that we wouldn’t get squashed when everyone took off. Helen knew that my fitness was completely pants at the moment so she said we would take it easy. We hadn’t even hit the first 1k and we were at the back of the pack. Corey and Ellen took off looking like two gazelle while I rolled along at the back like a battered haggis.
The first marker came around quickly but the second seemed to drag in. I was tired already. Helen decided to change how we were going to run. It was decided that we would run one minute and walk one minute. Mainly because I suck.
I think by this stage I was attempting to get into a good rhythm and we started to catch up on people. My nose decided now would be a good time to fill with snot so I had trouble breathing from this point onwards.
I was still slow but nothing really interesting to report. We gossiped. That was about it.
Helen got so excited when we hit the 5k marker. Apparently I beat my own personal record for running 5k. Normally it takes me around 45 minutes. Helen got me around in 40 minutes because she is a badass.
At the 6k marker there was a water stand. Me, being the greedy bitch that I am, had two cups of water. I actually stopped to drink them. No joke. Poor Helen stood, jogging on one spot with her jaw hitting the ground. But I tried to make up for it by running a bit harder this time. It lasted until we got in between the 6k and 7k markers. Then all hell broke loose. At 10:15am, on the freaking button, my boobs went nuts and my milk appeared. It was feeding time for the baby. I had expressed milk and left it with my husband that morning but mother nature knows when it’s feeding time. It was also at this point that I discovered how crap my sports bra really was.
Remember those two cups of water I had? And the fact that a small human just came out of me? And It was freezing? Put those together and what do you get? A woman at the 7k marker who desperately needs to pee and might not hold it. My bra was so crap I had to run holding my boobs.
This is going to be the most embarrassing thing that I admit, but, I have piles. They are awful. They also decided to flare up as I was running. I had to stop myself from explaining to Helen why I had started running like a duck with an orange up my arse. It kinda felt like I had shit myself. She really didn’t need to know that. Plus there was a guy on a bike following us because we were the last trams. He had already heard me bitch about breastfeeding and needing to pee, this would have been a step too far.
At the 9k mark, I wanted to die of shame. I was so slow that the marshalls were running behind us packing up. They stopped traffic for us to run across the roundabout. It was a blur as I tried to get myself moving but I couldn’t go any faster.
10k and the finish line
It took 1 hour and 30 minutes. Ellen and Corey had been finished for over 30 minutes when I appeared. The announcer was not too impressed with my speed and was a cheeky arsehole. Ellen was having none of it and screamed at him to shut up. I have also been told that the girls told anyone that would listen about me just having a baby. Which would kind of explain the cheer as I crossed the line. Unfortunately, because of my piles, sore boobs, and needing to pee, I looked like I had been injured at some point.
So there you have it. I ran 10k. It was awesome and horrible at the same time. The guys at Decathlon were awesome. Would I do it again? Damn right I would! I’ll be back next year and I won’t be the last one over the line.