Five Fictional Female Role Models Better than Barbie.

So Lindsay called me out in a post she made about Barbie. Apparently she is under the impression Barbie is a good role model. Must be something in the water up there, probably fluoride, or rat piss. Anyway, after punching the wall until my knuckles bled and staring into the abyss until it gave me a funny look, I’ve come up with a list of five fictional female characters who I think are much better role models that Barbie.

Wonder Woman


Daughter of Zeus (sometimes) member of the DC Trinity with Batman and Superman, and all around amazonian badass. Wonder Woman (When she isn’t being horribly written) is one of the most overlooked, and nuanced members of the Justice League. On the one hand, she is the most compassionate, loving people you could ever hope to meet. On the other, she’s the one member of the trinity that will use lethal force when it’s needed. Decisive, compassionate, strong, and doesn’t suffer fools.

Oh snap!

Ellen Ripley


As IQ’s drop sharply all around us, it seems like we’ve forgotten this Power loader driving, Alien killing, cat loving badass (you’ll be seeing that a lot in this list.) What I really love about Ripley is that she isn’t a soldier or a knight or a superhero, she’s a normal, working class woman trying to survive a terrifying situation. Despite her normality, she goes above and beyond, in every single movie, kicking Xenomorph ass.


Hermione Granger


Education is important. Hermione serves as a wonderful reminder of that, since all of her amazing skills and abilities aren’t because of some exalted destiny or ancient magic or whatever (she leaves that shit to the boys.) They are all learned, she studied hard to be the best, and was rewarded with a broken wanded ginger sex machine…. actually, I think that analogy might have broken down pretty quickly…


Hua Mulan


Not the Disney Princess, but the original figure of Chinese legend, Wei cooler, wei more badass. For those not in the know, Hua Mulan is a legendary figure in Chinese folklore that went to war in place of her father, despite ancient Chinese culture being super patriarchal (feminists have really ruined that word) and only allowing men to join. In the Disney Movie, she defeats the evil Hun leader after her second battle with him and is given the reward of going back to her life as an ordinary woman. In the original legend, she becomes a fucking GENERAL of the Wei army, and was already a kung fu master before she joined. There’s a live action movie as well. Check it out, coolest thing ever.

Barbara Gordon


Whether as Batgirl or Oracle, Barbara has always been a ray of light in the dark, gritty world of Batman. Though she was great as the Dark Knight’s distaff counterpart, She’ll always have a place in my bitter, jaded heart as the Oracle, information broker/hacker for the Batfamily and Superhero world in general. Paralysed after being shot by The Joker, Barbara didn’t let being confined to a wheelchair slow her down, even a teensy bit. She’s an icon for disabled people everywhere (or at least she was until DC comics decided to undo two decades of character development by magically curing her) and generally one of the more fleshed out characters in the Bat Mythos.


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