Once upon a time, when I was an angry teenager, my mum gave me some advice. I was angry at everyone and their opinions. My mum decided that enough was enough. She told me something that would stay with me for years to come, “Opinions are like bumholes, everyone has one”. Today I have decided that she was wrong. Opinion are not like bumholes, they are more like farts.
Every day we are faced with the opinions of others, or just opinions in general. Just like farts. Just as another person’s ass gas will make you want to vomit, the same thing can be said about opinions. And I suppose it isn’t surprising to realise that the stinky fart that makes you want to boke, someone else finds rather lovely. Namely the person who produced it in the first place. Just like an opinion. Don’t believe me? Think of an opinion that you heard recently, and then think of your own. Now think of that time that someone farted in the lift and how disgusting it was. I pretty much guarantee the next time you fart, you will sniff it to see if you enjoy the smell. See? Pretty much the same thing.
One thing that is definitely true about farts and opinions is that you never know what way it will end once it’s out there. People will scream at you in disgust, others will walk away. And some will try to educate about life/diet so that your next fart doesn’t turn into a messy follow-through that you weren’t ready for and runs down your leg. One place that you can see this happen regularly is with comedians. They throw their opinion/fart out there, they think they are hilarious. Sure, a good comedy fart/opinion is funny, but sometimes it’s really offensive and makes you feel a bit sick.
Why am I telling you this? I have no idea but it is merely my opinion that opinions are like farts. Everyone will have one from time to time, and more often than not it will repulse you. This opinion of mine, that opinions are like farts, is probably turning you right now, thus proving my point. I’ve just farted in the big room of the internet, and now I’m sniggering to myself. I think I’m funny while you think what I’ve just done is juvenile. You’re probably right but I’m still laughing!
“But there is a flaw in your metaphor Lindsay! Bumholes also produce poo!”
Yes, I know. That’s called politics. Most of the time it happens behind closed doors and we keep it to ourselves. But there are those who crap on the living room floor of life and most people don’t know what to do with it. What? Why else would politicians have “smear” campaigns every time an election rolls around *BA DUM TSSS*
On a serious note, this has to be one of the funniest, most random things that has come from my brain in a long time. Please do not email me or take to the comments complaining about this. I hope it made you laugh. And if it didn’t, then just take it for what it is, a comedy fart that hopefully won’t run down my leg. This article is not a ground-breaking piece designed to change the world, but maybe the next time you hear an opinion that doesn’t sit with you, just laugh it off. It’s only a fart.