Millennial is a term that gets thrown around a lot. Normally as a term to put down my generation. Yeah, you read that right, I’m a millennial. And for one day, I lived like a true millennial.
A millennial is a person who was born between 1980 and 2000. And that should be it. But there is this strange list of things that other generations think that we do. I tried to find a list of these “annoying” things that millennials do but it was hard to find any. What I ended up doing was typing “Daily Mail millennials” into Google, then I got a massive list of articles about how millennials are sucking the life out of the everything. Not one to be defeated, I used the examples in the articles in order to live my life for a day.
I’m a Snowflake
One of the biggest problems is- that we are too sensitive and are suffering from mental health problems. First of all, I grew up in Northern Ireland during the 80’s and 90’s. There is a very good chance that I have some form of PTSD or mental health issue, as does around 25% of the population. In fact, Northern Ireland has the highest rate for PTSD in the world. Now, call me a sensitive soul but growing up in a country where you could lose your kneecaps for crossing yourself the wrong way has made me aware that I should tolerate other people. Simply put, the fear of having a car bomb stuck to the bottom of my car for insulting someone has made me less of an asshole, and therefore a snowflake. You know, because that’s wrong apparently.
I’m not on the property ladder
I am a renter, I have been since I moved out at 18 years old. And this is a problem for old people. You know what? It’s a bloody big problem for me too! I hate renting but it’s practically impossible to get on the property ladder. And what is so annoying about this is the fact that it would be cheaper for me to pay a mortgage than my rent every month. There are loads of my friends who are in the same boat. I have friends who are nurses and working ridiculous hours but still can’t get on the ladder. Some people stay at home with their parents so they can save up for a deposit (Which is still the wrong answer according to baby boomers). Or make their own lunches so they can save some pennies. Yeah, apparently foregoing our avocados will get us a deposit for our first home*.
*actual quote from the Daily Mail.
I’m killing certain industries
There is a massive list of industries that millennials are ruining. These include, but are not limited to- beer, diamonds, paper napkins, “breasturants” like Hooters, golf, fabric softener, gyms and the oil industry. I’d like to address each of these if I may. First beer, I drink beer. I also drink vodka, whiskey, and wine. I also have a few friends who have to space to make their own brew. But I don’t drink to excess because I have responsibilities and work 60 hours a week. Diamonds, I have diamonds. But what I want more is financial stability so diamonds will have to wait until I have bought my first home. Paper napkins, seriously? I prefer cloth napkins that can be thrown in the washing machine with a load of washing. Takes two seconds and is better for the environment. Breasturants aren’t even a thing over here but even if they were, I wouldn’t care for them. Honestly, if the food is good, I would go but I wouldn’t go so the sake of having some tits in my dinner. Golf is an expensive sport. See my previous point about trying to save money for a house. Fabric softener….it’s for making clothes smell nice, I couldn’t live without it. If millennials are killing that industry, then I am single-handedly keeping it afloat with the amount I use in the washing and the amount of washing that I do. Gyms….aren’t we the fittest generation? And the oil industry. Considering I ran out of oil yesterday and have to wait until tomorrow for a delivery (and that it is costing a small fortune) your damn straight that I am looking for cheap, clean alternatives to coal and oil.
I’m lazy, arrogant and self-absorbed
Wait…just hang on a second. That doesn’t make sense. My first point was that I am a snowflake. That I’m too sensitive to other peoples feelings. Being self-absorbed is the complete opposite of this. I’m also lazy. Yes, because I enjoy sitting at 11 pm at night typing about how lazy I am. But to most baby boomers, this isn’t a real job. Great! Thanks for the input there. Now, if you could just tell the Inland Revenue that so I don’t have to pay taxes anymore, that would be great! And I’m arrogant. Yeah, I am. I’m not going to lie about that one. I probably am arrogant, but I try to be factual about it.
So, what’s it like to live as a real millennial for a day?
I tried to live as close to being a real millennial as I could. I slept in until 9 am (I’m normally up at 5 am) and didn’t go for a run. I had fruit for breakfast because who has time for washing dishes? Am I right? But I did make my kids some vegan organic porridge because you aren’t a real parent unless you make everything from scratch. I tried to ignore my children while I sat on my smartphone but at the same time provide them with intellectual stimulation. There was some yoga, some colouring in and lots of sitting in front of the TV. I made green smoothies and posted them on Instagram because I need the validation from strangers. I finished my day off by getting my husband to go to McDonald’s because that’s what millennials do. When he asked me why he had to go get McDonald’s for dinner, I shouted “YOLO” at him. He’s now wondering what drugs I’m on but millennials don’t do drugs apparently. It was a really boring day. I have never done so little. Seriously, I took my laptop into hospital with me and was writing articles while I was in labour. #boredomcentral
Has anyone else tried to be a true millennial for a day? If you do, let me know how you got on because I was bored stupid!