I often like to imagine that raindrops are sentient, that they live ordinary, comfortable lives up in the clouds. Then, one day, the fluffy white ground just opens up underneath them. One minute they are relaxing with their raindrop families watching shit raindrop tv… then WOOSH! Down they go, screaming all the way. I find this comforting.
I was still dreaming when they came for us. Groggy and sleepy-eyed when I heard that awful sound, that screeching, biting, gnawing noise that rings in the darkest depths of my memories. Every time it rang through our homeland we knew that death would soon follow, Every time that piercing cry erupted through the trees and fields I knew that I would lose a brother, or a sister, or a daughter or a son.
So Lindsay called me out in a post she made about Barbie. Apparently she is under the impression Barbie is a good role model. Must be something in the water up there, probably fluoride, or rat piss. Anyway, after punching the wall until my knuckles bled and staring into the abyss until it gave me a funny look, I’ve come up with a list of five fictional female characters who I think are much better role models that Barbie.
I’ve been trawling across the wasteland of the internet apocalypse, looking for nuggets of idiocy to shove down your fat, ugly, easily offended throat hole. These are the best things I’ve found all week, ranging from the sublime to the downright bizarre.
That said, lets begin.
Most people think that they question everything, they really do, but that fact of the matter is that everyone has a pretty substantial blind spot regarding whatever they personally believe. We can see countless examples of this, from the religious fundamentalists constant skepticism of modernity to the conspiracy theorists outright rejection of self-evident truths, to the bloody-minded, dogmatic rhetoric of the radical identity politico. Willing to flagrantly deny the role evolution plays in the development of society while having the audacity to call themselves “enlightened: or “progressive.”
I’m a fan of controversy, I live for it. I bathe in the muck of righteous indignation and moral outrage. Give me a scandal and I’ll give you a massive, throbbing hate-erection. I’ve always had a certain respect for people who are able to take this little indignant seed that lives in all our bellies and cultivate it into a great, twist, painful plant, that takes roots in our intestines and grows our through our nostrils.
Before we get started, I should clear some things up about myself.
I have Aspergers Syndrome, for those who are not in the know, it’s a form of high functioning Autism which, in my case leads to difficulties in communication, social anxiety and a whole litany of other completely brilliant differences between me and the average, or “neurotypical” person.
That last part was sarcasm by the way, another thing that people with Aspergers sometimes have difficulty with.